Comcast === Derp

On 2014/07/31, in noise, rant, by ixab

I have a Telo Ooma.  Yay 4 me.   This necessitated changing my Comcast to 1) drop my VOIP service and 2) see if I could switch my 20mbs Blast internet which costs $90/month to their offer of 50mbs Blast for $40/month.

Because I hate myself, I used their website.  That was fun, because their website hates me also.  As evidence, it would ask me for my password, then redirect to some logged in page where I can click options.  Clicking any of those options would take me back to their home page, but with me logged out.

Over and over.

Like 500 times.

Having played Flappy Bird, I knew the drill.  I eventually got to a page where I could order an upgrade.  I thought surely I must be close to done.  Then, my checkout workflow was interrupted, and I was suddenly required to chat with someone about the changes I was making.  No joke.  A non-optional, modal chat opened.  Since I thought I was almost out of the black hole’s gravitational pull,  I figured I had enough momentum that I should play along.  That wasn’t as easy as it sounds, because a second chat window suddenly happened:

comcast fail

Then, this happened:


Just. F’ing. Wow. Needless to say, by attempting to chat in both windows at once, I failed to reach escape velocity and crossed the customer support event horizon into nothingness. Chris/Comcast/NBC never got back to me.  Ditto for Shashank/Comcast/Xfinity.  After a while, I decided to back away from the chat and make another run at it.  You know, accelerate toward the black hole, trying a gravitational slingshot to reach escape velocity.  It was an idea so crazy, it might just work.  Alas, Comcast’s website went back to it’s old habit of logging me out and returning me to the homepage.  Wanting to inflict maximum self-loathing before a rage-quit (remember, I’m Flappy Bird hardened), I called customer service.  On my Ooma Telo.  Because irony.

Ring ring, button 1 for English, select an option.  Oddly, there’s no option for waterboarding.

… la la la ding dong  (hold music) …

Suddenly, 17 minutes later, a person answered.  Slingshot trajectory plotted, main engines to full power.  The CSR verified all of my personal information, heard me out, and made convincing keyboard noises in the background.  He wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, but he was able to put me back on hold for a while.

la la ding dong la la (more hold music) …

I avoided looking at any clocks, knowing that whole bit about time near the center of black holes. Then, I’m connected again… but I have been transferred to a new CSR.  I feel a force so powerful, not even light can escape.

Guess what?  You’ll never believe this, but the second CSR also had no idea what was up with my account.  After verifying my personal information and checking many screens and a continued re-asking me about things like my name and last four of my SSN, we decided I may or may not have changed my service, or maybe not changed my service, or canceled Comcast, or possibly some combination of the three.  Considering everything, including black holes and their effect on quantum mechanics, I should not have been surprised.

Yay for having no competition in the marketplace.


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